Светлана Едгарова Назарова

[Happy day! Sveta is actually smiling a bit as she shows off a pair of jeans with a rough looking patch on the side.]

I feel very accomplished today because I sewed this all by myself. I don’t think that I will wear them, though. They make me feel horribly fat and there are, as Arthur said, so many very pretty people here. Well, there are also a lot of unattractive people here, so I suppose falling somewhere in the middle is good enough.

Not that I really have anyone to impress anymore. I don’t want to talk about sex with any of you because it’s a very awkward subject for me, but I will say that there aren’t many here I would have sex with. Actually no one because I’m still very loyal to the men I have been with. Even though it doesn’t really matter much now.

I think I’d like to get a drink tonight, though, so if anyone wants to have a drink, you can join me. I had a drink with Perry the other night and it was nice. I remembered why I do it. It’s not just for when you’re sad. We can have a drink to celebrate something stupid- like the fact that I was able to fix my own jeans or anything else that you want.

But I shouldn’t actually get drunk. Then I get sick in the morning and the last time I was drunk with other people, it was bad for everyone. Maybe that’s why I started drinking alone. Or maybe that was because I really didn’t like to be with people. I don’t honestly know.

Huh.

[Friends Filter]

I really should apologize for what I said in my last entry. I shouldn't tell you what happened, so please don't ask me. But it won't happen again and a lot of what I said wasn't...well, I'm not sure why I said a lot of those things. So I'm sorry if I worried anyone.

[Private to Petronilla]

Let's have tea. Or cake. Or...something. I don't really mind what the excuse is, but I'd really like to sit down and talk to you properly. When would be a good time for you...well, either tonight or tomorrow?

[Private to Una]

I have what you asked for. And a few other things. Whenever you're ready.

[Private to O'Brien]

I ne-

Can-

Let's talk. Up on deck? Tonight?

[Private to Brax]

It's been a while. I'm sorry...about our last conversation.

After being here for so long, this place actually does start to seem small. I thought that it would never happen, honestly. We have so much here. And there are so many possibilities. So many people to meet or talk to- so many different cultures to talk about.

I think this is the point when people say 'I'm bored and I want a port,' but that's obviously not the case here. I'm perfectly happy with things they way they are. But maybe I need to find a hobby.

Or...maybe there are things to do that I'm missing. Since you've been here, what have you tried? What have you done? Something positive you've experienced since you've arrived that you wouldn't have been able to get otherwise? I think we can all guess as negative, but that's not the point of this.

[Private to George]

Please don't ask why, but can you keep an eye on Petronilla tonight and possibly tomorrow morning?

[Private to Una]

I have a very silly question to ask but...can I borrow clothes?

[Sveta might sound a tiny bit off to those who know her. She's not drunk, but...close. She puts the camera on a puzzle that's half finished. There is a stuffed alligator (not fluffy, but...stuffed) in the shot. He has ribbons tied around his feet.]

I think I'm missing some pieces to it. Or I've just suddenly become very, very bad at puzzles. Which is a possibility.

I've done the rest of mine already. At least once. Maybe I should start gluing them. [A half hearted laugh.] Or just find a new hobby. I never even liked puzzles at home.

[Private to Petronilla]

Today? We can watch anything you'd like.

[Private to O'Brien]

It's been three days, comrade. Tell me what you meant?

[Private to Una, added later]

Something's wrong with O'Brien.

Last time that happened, I was an otter. This time, nothing. I know that some people were the same as they were last time and some were different. It's...interesting, isn't it? That it's the exact same flood, but has different effects the second time around.

I'm not really sure what I'm getting at there. More flood speculation, I guess, which...okay, I'll admit it isn't what we really need but...Hm. [A bit of a laugh.] Oh just forget it. It seemed more interesting before.

[Private to Una]

Let's have a drink tonight. Or two. And do something stupid, like...eat too much cake. Pretend for a while.

[Private to Petronilla]

Would you be opposed to watching something with me?

[Private to George]

My two weeks are up tomorrow.

[Public]

The curse was never meant to happen, but once it was there, it causes a lot of negativity, which perpetuated it. It's not an excuse, I know. But I feel like you deserve a better explanation than I was able to give before. I don't hate you. And I certainly don't blame people, despite what I might have said. This place is frustrating but it has been that way for a long, long time. And all of that just built up into the curse I let loose when I lost my temper. It wasn't me changing sides, though it felt like that at the time. It's impossible for me to do that.

But it's something they teach us to repress. We have to stop from cursing people in any form, even with words. But it's very difficult, as you can imagine and I failed in doing that. So I apologize.

No amount of words can make up for what happened. To those who were injured or worse, I'm especially sorry.

[Warden Filter]

I'll submit to any consequences that you feel are necessary, aside from a forced reduction of powers. I'll take care of that myself without being told to do it.

[Open Spam]

[Sveta had her own room at this point, but she didn't want it. She wanted to leave and recover in a safe place. The infirmary wasn't safe for her. There were too many people who knew she was there and it didn't give her a good hiding place. Because that's exactly what she wanted to do: hide. Forever. But, at the moment, she knew she was too weak to really get up and move, and her head was killing her, so she willed it all away. Or at least attempted to.]

[OOC: Okay, I just wanted to put this up for now since I'm probably going to be leaving her alone for a while to focus on my other guys. The spam is open and multiples are a-ok with me! She will be in the infirmary for a couple of days before she leaves, so if you want to forward date something, feel free to.]

[It sounds as if she's just finished crying. There's a clink as she drops a spoon onto a dish and she finally speaks up.]

I said...I hope it goes down. [There's a nervous giggle.] But I don't know where down is. [Pause as the ship rumbles a bit. She takes in a trembling breath.] Looks like I was right, though.

Who knew that I would have them back? Who knew it would work like this?

I looked out my door today and saw the Darkness. I didn't know that Light Sorceress could curse people like this. Because that's what it is, you realize. It's not a flood. It's not...anything the Admiral has done. Condemn him if you like. It's more futile than usual.

[She turns on the camera. Those mentioned in the post who could see the curse will be able to see the vortex around her, invading her room. Barge magic, yeah]

I almost destroyed Moscow last time this happened. Last time, it was unintentional. Last time, they could talk me down from it and I could be saved from their...alternative method. [A bitter laugh.] Death.

They said once you pick a side that you can't change to the other one. Light to Darkness...all of that. I don't see why. It's so much easier to hate like this, isn't it? When you've been pushed so far, when so many people have kicked you in the face, it's easy to fall.

That's what power is, isn't it, O'Brien? [She reaches forward to turn off the transmission before she starts crying again. Then pauses.]

Someone might want to check on Petronilla. [BECAUSE SHE'S NOT. That's all!]

[Friends Filter- minus Angelica. Honestly, if you think you're here, you are. If you're not sure, ask.]

I need a distr- change. Just something small. Something that maybe no one but me will ever notice, even. I'm going to paint my room and, I suppose I could just ask the Admiral to do it for me, but no. I want to do this without his interference.

I'd like it if anyone would be willing to help, though!

[Infirmary Filter]

Does anyone have any experience with pseudocyesis? [She is just stubbornly hoping she's right.]

[Private to Petronilla]

I need your help tomorrow morning. It won't take long, I promise.

( Spam for Angelica )

[Private to the Fourth Doctor]

I have a problem. [A bit of a pause.] Well, a friend of mine has a problem. I don't want to reveal too much over the journals so...can you meet me in my room as soon as you're able?

[Private to Petronilla]

Pick a day in the next week for us to have a nice, civil cup of tea. [No...no she really doesn't believe that's going to happen. But the girl can dream...] And talk. Like adults.