greatlightother

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-101-

[It sounds as if she's just finished crying. There's a clink as she drops a spoon onto a dish and she finally speaks up.]

I said...I hope it goes down. [There's a nervous giggle.] But I don't know where down is. [Pause as the ship rumbles a bit. She takes in a trembling breath.] Looks like I was right, though.

Who knew that I would have them back? Who knew it would work like this?

I looked out my door today and saw the Darkness. I didn't know that Light Sorceress could curse people like this. Because that's what it is, you realize. It's not a flood. It's not...anything the Admiral has done. Condemn him if you like. It's more futile than usual.

[She turns on the camera. Those mentioned in the post who could see the curse will be able to see the vortex around her, invading her room. ~~Barge magic, yeah~~]

I almost destroyed Moscow last time this happened. Last time, it was unintentional. Last time, they could talk me down from it and I could be saved from their...alternative method. [A bitter laugh.] Death.

They said once you pick a side that you can't change to the other one. Light to Darkness...all of that. I don't see why. It's so much easier to hate like this, isn't it? When you've been pushed so far, when so many people have kicked you in the face, it's easy to fall.

That's what power is, isn't it, O'Brien? [She reaches forward to turn off the transmission before she starts crying again. Then pauses.]

Someone might want to check on Petronilla. [BECAUSE SHE'S NOT. That's all!]

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[He sighed and kept talking carefully and quietly through the door,]

Sveta, the options are I either stay here, or I let someone murder you. I won't.

Let them do it, then. [It wasn't what she really felt. It was what she had told Angelica, though. She didn't care if she died, but...in reality...she did. And she didn't want to die. She was just hurting. And upset.]

[Howie had heard it from Angelica, and his breath choked in his throat. He couldn't bear to hear her say that to him.]

Sveta, let me in, please.

The door's not locked. [She knew that defeated the purpose of trying to get him away from her, but she didn't care at this point.]

[He tried the door and opened it, then stepped inside,]

Sveta. You... I don't allow people to die. And I love you. I really do.

It would make them happy. Everyone. [She looked up to him, tears staining her cheeks.] I love you, too, but...

This isn't about that.

No, it wouldn't, Sveta. It wouldn't. [He looked down at her, then sat down next to her by the door,]

I know it isn't about that, but... you dying is. It's a matter of principle. But it's also that... I love you, and I cannot bear to stand by and let someone kill you because it's an easy option. I'd rather take the hard one and pass out here trying.

A lot of us would. So many people here care for you, it's not an illusion, it's real.

I don't want you to pass out trying, Neil. But they hate me. And...and they want to kill me for this. And that's why I can't ever go back to the way things were. This place is so terrible. The people are so awful.

[She sniffled a bit.] Why shouldn't I hate it here when there are those who would turn so easily?

They want to kill you because they want everyone else to live. It's consequentialist. It's wrong, but it's an argument.

[He swallowed hard,]

Not that I'm excusing them. But... even when they mean ill, they mean well, and... nobody dies, Sveta. Not you, not anyone.

Well...[She shook her head.] They're right.

That's what they need to do. Prove me right about this place.

No, Sveta. For every person like that - and for God's sake, the violent, oh, let's kill things, that's a solution, those people are the loudest and most bloody obnoxious here. [Okay, temper, had to keep calm. Temper.]

But for every person like that, there's so many who are genuinely concerned about you. About what might happen.

Who? Martha. You. Una. Cissie. Angelica. The Doctor. [She shook her head.] You're wasting your time.

Elle. Ardent. George. [okay, some of those were only in because he was.]

It's not a waste of time to try and save someone's life.

It doesn't matter, though. Death Toll...makes it not matter. I'll be back in time for them to continue hating me later.

[She hid her face in her hands again.]

That shouldn't change how anyone looks at death.

Even here, death is not the easy solution button. You can't just press it when something doesn't work, Sveta.

[He put a hand on her arm,]

I'll never hate you, Sveta. But... the whole barge isn't that angry group of people, it isn't.

[She shook her head.] They're not? You can't prove that. At all.

[Sighing softly, Sveta rubbed at her face.] They're all like that. You and Angelica and Una...you're the exceptions don't you understand that?

Then we're some damn big exceptions, and exceptions that try to influence those around us. We really are.

We're not worth so little that you can hate the whole place with us in it, are you?

[Guilt overwhelmed her again and she made a soft noise, but didn't say anything. If she could exempt them, she would.]

Sveta. [He moved his hand up from her arm,] It rains on the righteous as it does the evil, unfortunately.

[He sighed carefully,] If you curse us all, we're part of that. I don't want you to feel guilty. Don't feel guilty for doing this to us and only us. Everyone here has potential to be different. That's the thing which keeps me going every morning. Everything that might be horrific and wrong with this place can be changed.

Why do you think I put so much effort into it, Sveta?

[She moved away from him, shaking her head. By this point, she had almost completely shut down on him.]

I don't know.

[He withdrew his hand, trying not to feel a little put out that she'd moved away,]

Sveta, please. Talk to me, don't do this.

No. I'm tired of talking. [She stared at the floor.] It's not going to change anything.

[He sighed, as he knew he had to keep trying.]

Sveta. Let me tell you... my inmate hates this place. I hate it sometimes. But she has found good here, I know it, she has found it where I nearly lost mine.

It might all be horrific and so many people must be stupid, but we can stand up for what is really right. We can stand up and say that killing you is wrong. For a start.

Is it? [She closed her eyes tightly, willing it all away.]

Is it wrong?

It is wrong.

[He paused,]

The people who killed me the first time thought they were doing it for the good of two hundred people. They still committed murder in doing so. No matter how many people they thought they were helping.

-101-

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