greatlightother

[Friends Filter- minus Angelica. Honestly, if you think you're here, you are. If you're not sure, ask.]

I need a distr- change. Just something small. Something that maybe no one but me will ever notice, even. I'm going to paint my room and, I suppose I could just ask the Admiral to do it for me, but no. I want to do this without his interference.

I'd like it if anyone would be willing to help, though!

[Infirmary Filter]

Does anyone have any experience with pseudocyesis? [She is just stubbornly hoping she's right.]

[Private to Petronilla]

I need your help tomorrow morning. It won't take long, I promise.

[Spam for Angelica]

[Sveta had been worried for Angelica. But, unfortunately, by the time she was able to get to what Iago had said, it had already been taken down and Sveta could do nothing more than hope the aftermath wasn't as ugly as she anticipated.

...it seemed that hope had been completely dashed. So, as soon as she had a spare moment, she rushed off to find her friend, knocking at the door rather apprehensively.] Angelica. It's Sveta...

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[She managed to deposit the chocolates on the table, turning about and flumping back down upon her chair. Angelica sunk into the cushion with a sigh, head lolling backwards lazily.]

Sit. Just toss whatever you find on the seat on the floor.

[It did not occur to her to offer Sveta a cup of tea or coffee. Her mind was clearly elsewhere.]

[Instead of putting them on the floor, she took some papers and placed them neatly on a surface not meant for sitting. When she took the chair, she turned a bit more solemn.]

Tell me what I can do.

[Angelica hadn't really been expecting Sveta's question, and lifted her head slowly, as if it were ten pounds heavier, so that she could glance in her friend's general direction.]

What you can do?

[She blinked her eyes, confused and not particularly knowing how to answer her.]

There is....there is nothing that can be done.

[Sveta stood up again, walking over and just suddenly wrapping her arms around Angelica. She didn't care how it seemed. Didn't care how it looked. She just wanted to comfort her in some way.]

Not to fix the situation, Angelica. But to help you feel better.

[Angelica inhaled sharply when Sveta embraced her, freezing up for only a moment before relaxing into her arms.]

Nothing, madam. [She frowned and moved her arms around her friend, letting herself sound about as defeated as she felt.] Nothing will help.

[Sveta didn't pull back for another moment or so before kneeling down in front of her, her hands on the sides of the chair.]

Do you want to talk about it? Or ignore it?

[Glancing past her friend, Angelica's jaw tightened and her hands gripped the arms of the chair.]

Both. [She grimaced.] Neither.

[Angelica finally slumped into the chair, her eyes meeting Sveta's.] I know not, I know not. I want it all to go away. All. I cannot...I cannot keep doing this....

[Sveta frowned at that.] It won't continue, Angelica. It won't. [She put a hand on her friend's.]

You have too many people who love you. Just because they don't understand doesn't...it does't mean they feel any less for you.

[Angelica bowed her head, once again feeling ashamed of herself.]

I know they do not understand, and it is no one's fault, but I cannot help the way I feel....[She sighed, breath shaky and uneven.] This place is my new world, Sveta, my new found land, my freedom. To be reminded of the things I left behind here is --

[She cut herself off with a small sob.]

Disappointing. An ache in my heart.

And your feelings are valid, Angelica. They are. It is just...rough right now. Zhivy budem - ne pomryom.

It will be alright.

[She stood up slowly.] I will make us some tea.

[Her eyes remained cast down, head still lowered so that she didn't have to meet her friend's gaze.]

I never told you....about the gallows.

No, you didn't. [And Sveta wasn't sure she wanted to know. But here she was. And if Angelica was willing to tell her, then she might as well go along with it. At least Sveta was making tea to keep her hands busy.]

[Angelica placed her head in her hands, sucking in her breath sharply and tangling her own fingers in her hair.

It was becoming exceedingly difficult to hold herself together.]

That word, Sveta, that word...when women were called that word, they were arrested. They were dragged from their homes by armed guards, put on trial and suffered the insults shouted at them, and were sentenced to hang from the neck until dead. Though they rode through the streets of London to Tyburn, they wore their very best gowns - their most expensive, most luxurious gowns - hoping to God that it would please the hangman enough so that perhaps he might allow their friends and family pull on their legs and end their suffering.

That word! All for mention of that word!

[She didn't have to ask what word she was referring to. Sveta didn't know history all that well, at least not that history, but she could guess.]

Did that happen to you? [It was a whisper, for the question felt...wrong, somehow.]

[Though she had spoken easily enough about the hangings, Angelica hesitated at the question. Never once picking her gaze up from the floor, she slowly nodded and then pulled back her hair so that the pink lines behind her ears were visible.]

[At first, Sveta couldn't see what Angelica was trying to show her. And then her gaze fell on the marks and she took a quick breath inward.]

Angelica... [She desperately wanted to throw her arms around her again, but she managed to just touch her hand softly.]

-97-

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