-97-

[greatlightother]

[Friends Filter- minus Angelica. Honestly, if you think you're here, you are. If you're not sure, ask.]

I need a distr- change. Just something small. Something that maybe no one but me will ever notice, even. I'm going to paint my room and, I suppose I could just ask the Admiral to do it for me, but no. I want to do this without his interference.

I'd like it if anyone would be willing to help, though!

[Infirmary Filter]

Does anyone have any experience with pseudocyesis? [She is just stubbornly hoping she's right.]

[Private to Petronilla]

I need your help tomorrow morning. It won't take long, I promise.

[Spam for Angelica]

[Sveta had been worried for Angelica. But, unfortunately, by the time she was able to get to what Iago had said, it had already been taken down and Sveta could do nothing more than hope the aftermath wasn't as ugly as she anticipated.

...it seemed that hope had been completely dashed. So, as soon as she had a spare moment, she rushed off to find her friend, knocking at the door rather apprehensively.] Angelica. It's Sveta...

Comments

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Anton talked me out of it before they could kill me. I didn't know I had even made the curse. So he had to stop me blaming myself.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Made you stop believing in the curse.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

I suppose so. They said that I took the curse off when I stopped hating myself for what happened.

But you see, Ardent? I could have killed so many people. Without even thinking about it. Without even knowing it.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

You didn't even know about it?

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

No. And then, when I did know, I wasn't really given much of a choice. I had to join the Watch.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Why? Why did you have to?

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Because I'm going to be powerful one day. And they need me.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

What will happen without you?

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

I don't know. Olga can take my place.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

They wouldn't need you if someone could take your place.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

I don't want to be needed like that.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

We don't get to choose what we're needed for.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Why not?

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Because sometimes duty over takes choice.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Duty? To be used?

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Used to overcome something which could cause a lot of damage.

All games require pawns. You sound like less of a pawn and more of a queen, and you can't escape it, so take the duty over the choice. It might get you choice in the end.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

I don't want to kill anyone.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Who must die?

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Dark Others.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Your enemies.

I don't see the problem.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Because they're people. If I've learned anything here, it's that.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

But they're not your people.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Damon was not my people. I would never harm him. Ever.

They're still people, Ardent. It doesn't matter if they're Light or Dark.

Re: private

[deepdowndark.livejournal.com]

Because you've let personal want take over necessity.

I killed people who weren't even my enemies for my duty to the Laws and Dwarfkind. Duty comes first.

Re: private

[greatlightother.livejournal.com]

Not when it comes to another person's life. If they were harming me or the people I care for, then I would feel a sense of duty then. But they are doing exactly what I'm doing. They're only killing because they think they have to.

And that's not right.